3 WEEKS OF SURVIVAL
21:52
Raga
,
Friday, June 10, 2011
Udah 23 hari sejak gw putus dari Baby_Bee.
Udah 15 hari sejak gw terakhir ketemu dengan Baby_Bee.
Udah 11 hari sejak gw terakhir berkomunikasi via sms dengan Baby_Bee.
It was him, who started to kiss me that night on our first meeting. Padahal gw berpikir malam itu hanya akan menjadi sekedar pertemuan dengan obrolan biasa antar teman facebook yang akhirnya berjumpa di dunia nyata.
It was him too, who sent “BRUNO MARS – Marry You” for me through the radio, and texted me, “Marry me, Raga”.
It was him too, who asked me to bathe together in the sea because he longed for bathing in sea with the one he loves.
It was him too, yang selalu cerita tentang his dream to me, and how he needed a good man because he really wanted a relationship with a serious commitment.
It was him too, who…
It was him too, who…
It was him too, who…
Aaaaaa…
Sialan, gw digombalin!
Sialaaaaan..!!
Sumpah, padahal gw tau banget kalo gombal-gombal kaya gitu ga ada efeknya buat gw. Pleaseeee deeeh… Hari gini masih gombal? Ya ampun, ke laut ajee.
BUT..
The way he made me feel special ternyata sukses bikin gw melayang ke langit ke tujuh, menembus atmosfer berlapis-lapis, terbang bareng paus akrobatis menuju rasi bintang paliiiiiing manis… Hahaha..
And he successfully made me crazy in love with him.
...
...
...
But then, it was him who violated the commitment we built.
It was him too who cheated and then dumped me.
It was him too who said, “It’s over.”
[Remember when we spent the night, looked at the stars from the hill.]
[And you told me you loved me.]
[But now I find that you've changed your mind.]
[I'm lost for words.]
Yes, it was painful.
Yes, it hurt.
And the days after “It’s over” were hard and tough.
=== [THE FIRST WEEK] ===
The first week after he dumped me was the hardest week.
Gw masih nggak bisa menerima how he could do that to me.
Gw masih sering berharap bahwa ini hanya mimpi buruk belaka.
Gw masih felt disappointed on what he did to me.
Gw masih sering looking out the window, gazing at the stars, thinking of him, wondering what he was doing out there, and crying.
Gw masih sering berharap bahwa Baby_Bee akan come back and saying that what he had done was wrong and foolish, and wanted to start things all over again.
=== [THE SECOND WEEK] ===
The second week was still hard.
Namun gw mulai bisa melihat segalanya dengan lebih baik.
Bahwa memang nggak ada gunanya mempertahankan hubungan ini.
Karena ujung-ujungnya hanya gw yang akan berusaha untuk terus membuat hubungan ini bisa survive. Baby_Bee nggak.
Karena ujung-ujungnya hanya gw yang akan larut dalam rasa cinta. Baby_Bee nggak.
Karena ujung-ujungnya hanya gw yang akan menghargai komitmen ini. Baby_Bee nggak.
Karena ujung-ujungnya gw pasti akan sakit hati karena Baby_Bee akan mencintai orang lain because he loves me no more.
Karena ujung-ujungnya he will probably get another one night stand. And I don’t want my boyfriend to f*ck or to be f*cked by another man when he is still in a relationship with me.
I value a relationship, I value a commitment.
I AM NOT SHARING MY MAN.
Then, what is the best way?
Ya, putus.
But I was still mad, I was still furious.
=== [THE THIRD WEEK] ===
The third week, segalanya mulai berjalan normal.
Hidup gw yang sempat kacau, mulai tertata rapi.
Gw udah mulai bisa tersenyum kembali.
But sometimes, late at night, I missed him.
Meskipun kadang-kadang ketika gw teringat Baby_Bee, hati gw masih terasa sakit, but I cried no more.
Yes, I was hurt by him.
And sometimes I can still feel the pain.
But I am fine.
I am sad no more. I hated no more.
It has been a long time ago since I learned to forgive people.
“Because forgiving is one big step to heal the wounds.”
I have forgiven all he has done to me.
I have forgiven how he broke my heart into pieces and transformed those pieces into dust.
I have forgiven how he made me cry.
If somebody is born to be yours, then he will always be yours no matter what it takes, no matter what happens.
But he is just not into me, and I am not into him.
So why should I waste my time living in a pit of sorrow?
It is time to shine again, to fly again.
Raga: I have forgiven you. Now I am ready to move on. See the new me, baby. J
