Viva la Vida: May 2011

FANTASY vs REALITY

12:32

Raga , 0 Comments

“Does your relationship you have now meet your expectation?”

Honestly, it doesn’t.

Gw adalah tipe pria yang romantis. Setiap hal yang gw lakukan pasti gw lakukan dengan cinta. [Cinta cinta cintaaaa… lakukan dengan cinta bila kamu… mau mau mauuuu.. aku tak mau bila tanpa cintaaaaa… MAHADEWI].

I love to send flowers to the person I love. Side job gw sebagai penyiar di radio juga memungkinkan gw untuk mengirimkan lagu-lagu cinta untuk pujaan hati gw secara on air. But, yeah, it’s not the point of this post. Haha..

Back to the topic, awalnya gw memiliki ekspektasi bahwa hubungan gw dengan Baby_Bee bakalan menjadi hubungan yang romantis kaya di drama movies ala Disney.

Di mana gw dan Baby_Bee akan berlomba-lomba say good morning everyday.

Di mana tiap hari gw dan Baby_Bee bisa komunikasi, meskipun tidak setiap saat, tapi tetap mudah berkomunikasi, entah via sms, telepon, atau FB.

Di mana kita bisa ketemu tiap hari, because we live in the same town.

Di mana after kissing, gw dan Baby_Bee akan saling menatap dengan lembut, dengan tatapan yang seolah berkata, “Aku sayang padamu..”

Di mana gw dan Baby_Bee akan saling telepon sampai larut malam, hingga akhirnya salah satu dari kami tertidur.

Di mana everytime I whisper “I love you...”, he will reply, “I love you too...”

Di mana………..

……

But yeah, reality sometimes doesn’t meet the expectation. And we have to accept it.

Baby_Bee sering bangun agak siang, sekitar jam 9, sehingga gw yang selalu bangun jam 7 always be the first one to send good morning text. No competition on waking up earlier. And I never get the good morning sms from my Baby_Bee.

HP Baby_Bee rusak parah, mesti direparasi, dan lama banget selesai. Speaker dan microphone hp gw rusak, jadi cuma bisa smsan. FBan pun susah, karena kita belum tentu bisa online at the same time everyday. So no texts, no phone calls. Apalagi teleponan sampe larut malam, haha, never.

[Tuhan, lancarkan rezeki kami, biar bisa beli HP baru.. hehehe..]

Meskipun tinggal di kota yang sama, gw dan Baby_Bee susah buat ketemu tiap hari. Lagian ketemu tiap hari bakalan cepet bosen, kata Baby_Bee. Agree.

After kissing, gw dan Baby_Bee jarang saling tatap. Why? Karena kami kiss sambil gelap-gelapan, hahahaha…

[andaikan gw boleh kiss dia di tempat terbuka tanpa harus khawatir dengan what the other people will think and say, I WILL DO IT – berkhayal tinggal di Belanda]

Dan ketika gw bilang, “I love you..”, Baby_Bee jarang banget balas, “I love you too..” Entah kenapa.

Well, that’s the reality.

“So, are you disappointed?”

NO!

NGGAK!

Mungkin kenyataan hubungan gw dengan Baby_Bee nggak seperti harapan gw. But yeah, why should I be disappointed? Kenapa gw mesti kecewa?

Karena komunikasi kami kurang lancar?

Well, I have him, and he has me. We have each other.

Karena pacar gw nggak romantis?

I love him dengan ketidakromantisannya.

Why should I be disappointed?

Karena ternyata imajinasi gw gak jadi kenyataan?

Semua orang punya mimpi, semua orang punya harapan.

Semua orang punya imajinasi.

But we are not living in our fantasy.

We are living in this real world with so many real things which probably do not meet our expectation and imagination.

And we HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.

Semua orang berhak bermimpi, gw pun demikian. But yeah, bermimpi boleh, namun jangan sampai menutup mata kita dari kenyataan yang harus kita terima.

Gw inget salah satu lirik lagu favorit gw, GLEE – You Can’t Always Get What You Want [versi aslinya dinyanyikan oleh ROLLING STONES].

“You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you'll find

You get what you need”

Tuhan tidak memberikan apa yang kita inginkan. Tapi Beliau memberikan apa yang kita butuhkan.

So now, coba bayangkan Tuhan memberikan kita apa yang kita inginkan

What if….

Teleponan, smsan, semuanya lancar, tapi di balik itu semua, pacarmu juga berhubungan dengan pria lain?

Pacarmu romantis, tapi itu hanya pura-pura.

Setiap hari pacarmu membanjirimu dengan ratusan ucapan I LOVE YOU, tapi itu hanya sekedar ucapan di bibir, bukan dari hati.

After you kiss him, and he kisses you, he says he loves you. Tapi suatu hari, kamu melihat bekas ciuman di tubuh pacarmu [sinetroooooon….., hahaha]

Will you be hurt??

DEFINITELY YES.

Jadi kenapa mesti kecewa jika kenyataannya tidak sesuai dengan imajinasi kita. Kadangkala kita berimajinasi terlalu tinggi, padahal yang kita butuhkan tidak setinggi itu.

So let’s be proud of your boyfriend.

Be proud of your relationship.

Be proud of yourself.

Be proud of everything that you have in your life.

Fantasy is what people want. Reality is what people need.

Raga bangga punya pacar seperti Baby_Bee.

"I don't."

22:35

Raga , 0 Comments

Setelah satu minggu lebih tanpa sms, nggak pernah ketemu [Baby_Bee, Raga kangeennnnnnnnn..], akhirnya kemarin bisa ketemu juga. Ternyata setelah berhari-hari (yang-bagi-gw-udah-kerasa-seperti-bertahun-tahun) gak pernah ketemu, Baby_Bee nggak berubah, tetep charming and so much adorable. I miss you Baby_Bee.

And finally we decided to spend that night di tempat yang menurut gw is such a romantic place. Di bukit yang sejuk, sepi, dan gelap, sehingga kita bisa melihat taburan bintang di langit, kilau lampu-lampu kota Singaraja berbagai warna di bawah, dan kerlap kerlip kunang-kunang di sekitar kami. Hahaha, don’t you think it’s very romantic, lovers?

Dan seperti biasa, we talked about anything, namun gw yang lebih banyak ngomong. Cerita tentang rencana gw ke depannya gimana, gw mau gawe di mana, and how we’re gonna meet each other ketika kami berdua udah gawe.

Bosen ngedate di bukit, kita went back to my house. Tapi sebelumnya, kita beli makan dulu, bungkus buat makan di rumah. Makan sambil ngobrol, dan suapin, I really love that moment. Puas makan, akhirnya kita nonton pake laptop gw.

Banyak juga film yang Baby_Bee bawa, sehingga kita nggak mungkin nonton tiap film, [bisa-bisa bulan depan baru selesai, hahaha]. Lagian kalo kita mau nonton semuanya, Baby_Bee mesti nginep dong, padahal Baby_Bee kan tampaknya nggak dikasi nginep malem2. Jadi akhirnya kita cuma nonton beberapa film aja yang menurut Baby_Bee bagus.

“Kiss is the flower of love.”

Hanya berdua, suasana romantis, ditambah film yang menghanyutkan, so then, we kissed. It was the best kiss ever yang gw pernah rasakan. A very passionate kiss.

“I love you Baby_Bee..” bisik gw.

Baby_Bee diem but he kept on kissing. We kissed. And we were drunk by all the kisses and touches.

Dan ketika semuanya harus diakhiri,

I looked into his eyes, and whispered, “I love you..”

And finally he said,

“I don’t.”

…

Gw kaget. Gw diem.

What’s going on?

You don’t love me?

Gw bertanya2 dalam hati. Entah kamu bercanda atau tidak, I don’t know.

Jujur, gw kecewa. So I closed myself. I remained silent.

Mungkin kediaman gw membuatnya terganggu. Hingga akhirnya Baby_Bee bertanya, “Kenapa?”

I wanna be honest, so then I answered, “After all these times, I said I love you, but you said you don’t. That hurts me.”

...

Dan Baby_Bee pun menjawab:

“Yes, I don’t. I love you more.”

…

The tears of joy fell down on my check.

Raga: I love you so much Baby_Bee.

A SERIOUS COMMITMENT: I Want a BF, not an FB!

21:48

Raga , 0 Comments

“What kind of relationship do you want?”

For me, I want a relationship with a serious commitment.

Gw bukan tipe orang yang being in a relationship with somebody just for fun. And when the fun is over, the relationship is also over. What the hell with that kind of relationship. [salam jari tengah buat hubungan kaya gini]

Well, I am in a relationship, and will be engaged in a relationship because I truly love my man and I wanna be with him, not just for the sake of having fun. Meskipun tentu saja gw dan dia juga harus fun ngejalanin hubungan kami, but fun in a positive way.

Laughing when we are fooling around.

Go out on date and enjoy the time we shared.

Because we love each other.

Because we have commitment.

Mungkin gw terdengar like a fool karena hari gini masih percaya dengan yang namanya cinta sejati di dunia gay.

Dulu, waktu gw online di YM, ketika topic mengarah tentang hubungan yang gw inginkan dalam hidup gw sebagai seorang gay, my chat buddy laughed at me.

Dia bilang,

"I agree that there is always LOVE in every relationship. But this is one thing that you must know: There is no real LOVE in gay relationship. There is only making LOVE."

Ckckckckck... Jujur gw emosi juga bacanya.

Oh come on, what's wrong with man-and-man relationship?

Apa sih yang membedakan gay and straight relationship?

We are all humans; we all have LOVE and FAITH.

So then why can't gay people have real love????

Why do you think that gay people only have lust to have sex????

Apakah karena kami berdua laki-laki, yang menurut penelitian, jika dibandingkan dengan perempuan, lebih mudah terbangkitkan nafsu seksnya?

Apakah karena masing-masing memiliki testosterone, sehingga memiliki nafsu seks yang menggebu-gebu?

Apakah karena otak kami teracuni film-film gay yang kami tonton, ketika kami mencari jati diri kami di dunia gay?

Hell yeah, you need to open your mind.

Nggak semua gay kaya gitu, man!

If you are like that, then don't you generalise that every gay is like you.

Hahaha, kok malah jadi curhat. But yeah, that's true.

I am not that kind of man. And I believe there are many gay guys who stand on the same line with me.

We want love. We want commitment.

We want fun, but we are not in a relationship just for fun.

We want a boyfriend, not a f*ck buddy.

At that moment, I said to him:

"There is a REAL LOVE in this gay relationship, I swear to find it. And one day when I already find my REAL LOVE, i will show it to you and everyone who doesn't believe in real love, so YOU CAN STOP TELLING EVERYONE ELSE THAT THERE IS NO REAL LOVE EXISTS."

[emosi jiwa berapi-api]